


The Haunted Haus

by Talinor



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background ReanBeau, Bonding, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Haunted Houses, Mild Gore, it's makeup but still, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 07:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20926139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talinor/pseuds/Talinor
Summary: “But there’s still some stuff the house needs before it’s ready. Nott said I should get your help, cause you’re good at remembering stuff and she sent me,” she opened up her phone to show him a sprawling text list of the many things needed to bring and set up for the House of Horrors’ debut tonight. “this long-ass list. And yeah, I have a list for reference, but I just know I’m gonna miss something in this fuckin’ wall of text and—”He couldn’t help himself: he chuckled. That stopped her dead in her tracks. When she pouted ever so slightly and asked why, he answered honestly. “You don’t have to keep bargaining; I’m already sold.”-Caleb and Jester spend the day together, preparing for the opening night of the haunted house they both work at.





	The Haunted Haus

**Author's Note:**

> sorry it took 'till the final day to get my collab piece done (that's 100% my fault)  
but now it's done, and i hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed working on it with spottedspeck (on discord, but that's also their main tumblr) their art blog is spottedsketch! be sure to check them out- they were a delight to work with despite my procrastination!  
enjoy!!

Caleb awoke to rapid-fire knocking on his door. If it continued for long, he’d never hear the end of it from Beau. His bed whispered silent sweet nothings, promising continued warmth and comfort, but he reluctantly separated from it regardless. It’d still be there when he got back.

The knocking continued. Thankfully, he didn’t hear anything from Beau’s room. He pulled his robe shut. Even though he wasn’t naked, it would still be more than a bit embarrassing to answer the door in just an oversized shirt and boxers. He shuffled to the door and opened it up to see…

Nothing. No signs of anyone occupying the florescent-lit hallway or standing on the old frayed carpet. He poked his head out to see if that was the case for the rest of the hallway. There was no sign of anyone to his left. Just the occasional wide window depicting the waking world in the early October morning.

Before he could glance to his right, a hand gripped his shoulder. He whirled around to face his assailant: a familiar figure in a cheap skeleton mask.

_“Boo!”_ the blue tiefling exclaimed, baring her fingers like claws reaching for him. Then the giggling started. She moved the mask aside to reveal her face: sparkling purple eyes, a scrunched nose skewing the spray of freckles across her cheeks, tucking lips in a vain effort to keep herself quiet.

He calmed. “Gott, Jester,” he said. “You could have just opened with ‘hello.’”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Nah, that would’ve been boring. Plus, it’s an example for what you gotta do tonight.” she booped his nose with a glittery black fingernail to accentuate ‘you’. “You excited?”

Not particularly, but her obvious excitement infected him with a slight smile. “Ja, of course, but…” he glanced outside the nearest window. It was roughly mid-six in the morning. The time recommended for the job tonight was eleven hours from now. So he asked the forefront question on his mind. “Why did you come over now? There’s plenty of time before we have to be at the Haus.”

“Officially, yes,” she admitted. “But there’s still some stuff the house needs before it’s ready. Nott said I should get your help, cause you’re good at remembering stuff and she sent me,” she opened up her phone to show him a sprawling text list of the many things needed to bring and set up for the House of Horrors’ debut tonight. “this long-ass list. And yeah, I have a list for reference, but I just know I’m gonna miss something in this fuckin’ wall of text and—”

He couldn’t help himself: he chuckled. That stopped her dead in her tracks. When she pouted ever so slightly and asked why, he answered honestly. “You don’t have to keep bargaining; I’m already sold.”

Her brows raised in disbelief. “I- Really? I didn’t even bring up the food.” She scanned him up and down, like she was trying to search for signs that her coworker was taken over by some seemingly helpful doppelganger. “You know, you can say so if you don’t wanna do it. I won’t be mad.”

“I know,” he said. “And I know you could get it done by yourself if you needed to but…” He liked spending time with Jester. The two were usually too backlogged by work to actually interact with each other for long, but there was something about Jester that made her easy to be around. She seemed to light a room with her presence alone, but he could tell it was a mask. And not one as easily taken off as the literal one she’d tried to spook him with.

This was an opportunity to get to know Jester. Maybe catch a glimpse of the part of her she tried to hide.

But it was best to, y’know, not lead with that.

“…It’s not like I have anything better to do before tonight.” He finished with a pitiful truth. His previous plans had been sleep, eat, do the chores Beau forgot to do while she was occupied with… other matters last night, and watch animal planet or something until it was time. This would be far more preferable.

Jester continued her taken-aback silence for another moment, then beamed. “That’s great,” she paused. “That you’re able to come with me, I mean, not the… ‘nothing better to do’ part. My bad.” She looked down at his robe. “I’m guessing you need a minute?”

With great shame, it took him a moment to realize what she meant. He nodded. “Of course, just… wait out here and I’ll get back as soon as I can.” With that, he opened his apartment door and headed back inside.

To pretty much immediately see a disheveled Beau heading to the kitchen. He saw her eyes momentarily visit him, then the figure visible from the closing door, and continued. Before he could fully flee to his room, she spoke up casually while opening up the blender for her morning protein shake.

“She’s cute.”

He nodded curtly. Indeed she was, but he wasn’t quite sure where she was going with this.

“Who is she?” She didn’t even look at him, rifling through the cupboards.

“A coworker. Jester,” her brows raised slightly. “I’ve told you about her before, ja?”

She nodded absentmindedly. At first he took that as a sign the conversation was over, but just as he started heading for his room again, she spoke up again. “Caleb?”

He stopped in his room’s doorframe. “What?”

“Have fun on your date. Haunted house debut’s tonight, right?”

“It’s not-“ He didn’t bother to finish, mainly because he knew a bait when he heard it. So he let Beau think whatever she wanted, whether it was genuine or just to get under his skin. Likely the second. “Ja, the debut’s tonight. Tell your ‘friend’ to remember her underwear this time.” He headed into his room.

“As long as yours does!” Beau called out after him, snicker in her voice.

He sighed deeply and shut the door. He loved Beau to bits like the sister he never had, but some mornings she could be a bit much.

It didn’t take too long for him to get ready. He just needed a better shirt, pants, and a bit of deodorant. Oh, and of course he took off the robe. It would probably be weird to wear something like that in public. He absentmindedly tied his hair back last minute, and with that he was ready to face the day.

When he came back out of his room, Beau was sitting next to her special friend on the couch. This girl was absolutely beautiful, even with her white hair all messed up and wearing one of Beau’s less modest t-shirts. Still, they seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. Before she noticed him, she had her arm draped around the girl’s shoulders and looked… genuinely happy. Happier than she’d been in a while.

Then her eyes moved to Caleb and the look dropped. Not that she scowled or anything, but she seemed like she wanted to hide the soft look she’d just had from him. “Hey,” she said. “See you tonight?”

He quirked up his brows a bit. “You’re going?”

“Of course I am. Can’t wait to see what kinda D-tier horror movie shit they try to pull on you.”

The girl sitting with Beau chuckled a bit and sipped her tea. He feigned offense. “How dare you,” he said. “…have such high standards for a haunted house.” He headed for the door. “Besides, it would probably still scare you anyway.” He didn’t need to look back to see the look on her face. “You act tough, but I’ve never seen a jumpscare that didn’t affect you. Remember when you accidentally punched Fjord ‘cause he startled you?”

“He deserved it, Widogast. Eat my ass.”

“Nein danke,” he said, reaching for the doorknob. “That’s not my job.” He didn’t stay to hear Beau’s reaction. Jester was waiting for him. She’d been leaning against the wall, eyes on her phone. Her ears perked up ever so slightly when she heard the door open and shut. The smile was back on her face when she looked up and saw it was him.

He followed her to the elevator and they were on their way.

The hours seemed to melt away with her. It seemed that one second they were going into Jester’s muted bubblegum-pink car with faded and peeling stickers along the sides in front of the apartment building, the next he was watching her try to compare increasingly ridiculous special effect face prosthetics.

“I’m sorry to say this, but I highly doubt anyone’s character will require rabbit noses.” He told her as she was, indeed, holding a rabbit nose prosthetic over her own. “Very creative, though.”

She gave him a small fake pout and put the bag back down. “You never know,” she said. “But you’re probably right.” Almost instantly, it seemed like she’d gotten an idea. He was practically blinded by the lightbulb above her head. “But speaking of characters, I have an idea for yours. Come on.” Before he could react, her hand was tugging on his wrist and bringing him along the aisles of the costume shop.

Campy costumes of all kinds lined the racks they passed. Too many were just sexy versions of non-sexy things: like a garbage collector, or nuns, or minions. Far too many minions to be comfortable with. To be fair, that amount would be zero, but still. Some indie instrumental was playing on the speakers overhead. If he actually listened, he could probably find out what the song was. But it was just background noise drowned out by Jester’s excited rambling.

“So I was thinking,” she explained, still pulling him along. Not too hard to be a grip, and honestly unnecessarily since he was following anyway, but he wasn’t about to complain. “Since you’re… lankier than most of the other actors,” ‘lanky’ was a nicer way of putting it. He was rather gaunt. “We could go for an undead look.”

“Like a… zombie?”

Jester nodded enthusiastically. “Exactly!” She stopped at the makeup aisle, lined with different gimmicky packages like vampire red lipstick or zombie green foundation. Jester took the zombie green package with the preview picture up front and held it to his face with a considering look. “I don’t think green would really work for you, though…” She told him after a moment, putting the package away. “Or anyone really.” Her eyes returned to the racks. “Maybe…”

He took that time to help her out with the makeup hunt. “What about you? What kind of character are you going for?”

“I’m the head of the house,” she said absentmindedly, her focus elsewhere. “Countess Fiona Fancypants or something. I’ll lead groups through the different portions of the house. She’s a vampire, but like… a fancy one.”

“So a vampire?” His eyes drifted to the lipstick and tried to imagine what it would look like on Jester. It looked… fine, but there were plenty of other options that would be better suited. So he moved on to dark blue, then purple, then black. By the time Jester spoke up again, he’d thought about her lips more than one probably should. But it was for work-related reasons, so it was fine.

“So I’m thinking,” she said, grabbing the ghost white foundation and charcoal black eyeshadow. “Instead of turning you green or something, we exaggerate what you have. Make your cheeks and eyebags look sunken,” she held the ghost white package to his face. “Make your skin like this color, theeen…” An idea apparently hit her. “Ooh! Maybe I could do something with your arms!” She took one of his arms gingerly in her unoccupied hand.

Hearing her thought process play out verbally, seeing how excited she got as she thought more and more about an idea was… inspiring. He’d heard she was creatively brilliant, but actually seeing it for himself? Entirely different.

Over the next couple hours, they ironed out different characters and gimmicks for each portion of the House. It required a couple basketfuls of costumes and makeup, and roughly three trips to different shops for variety’s sake. By the time they were done, the backseat was practically brimming with boxes and baskets organized to the best of their ability.

Such work should be absolutely exhausting. In a way, it kind of was. By the time noon rolled around, he was more than happy to relax and get some food. But at this point with nearly anyone else, he’d be anxiously waiting to finally get home and recharge. Get away from people for a bit.

But being with Jester? Felt the same as feeling alone in all the best ways. Sure, he didn’t blast pop music in his car to sing along to, but he didn’t mind that she did. If it made her happy to belt along to Voulez-Vous as she drove, then he wasn’t going to try and stop her. Even when she asked him if he wanted her to stop or change the station. He wasn’t about to ruin her fun if it wasn’t bothering him at all.

“Sho,” she said, muffled by the bits of burger in her mouth and the hand over it. She swallowed and continued. “After lunch, I’m gonna run this stuff up to the House and get things ready for tonight. Thank you for your help, but if you want to go home, you can tell me. I won’t mind dropping you off.”

While usually he’d jump at the chance to go home, he actually… didn’t want to. This had been tiring but fun; he didn’t want it to end so soon. Besides, he had to go to the House of Horrors eventually. Might as well save a trip he’d have to do later.

“Actually,” he spoke up after finishing his own food. “I’m fine with just heading to the House with you.”

Her brows quirked up. “Really?”

“Really.”

He meant it. She tried to tell him that it was okay if he actually wanted to go home but wanted to be nice, but he stuck to his answer. There wouldn’t be a lot of people at the House for hours still, but that was okay. He’d be more than happy to help with the final touches the place needed. When he brought up that it would also give her time to practice and perfect his makeup, she smiled.

“You’re putting a lot of faith in me, Cay-leeeb.” She drew his name out teasingly. “For all you know, I could draw a dick somewhere you wouldn’t be able to see.”

He simply shrugged. “I’m okay with that, as long as you’re okay with explaining to Nott why you put it there.” He jabbed a fry at her to accentuate the ‘you’re’.

At that, she giggled and nabbed the fry from his fingers. “Fair point.” She winked at him. “Guess we’ll have to see if I’m willing to take that risk or not, huh?”

Within the hour, they were back on the road. The House of Horrors wasn’t terribly far away, but it took them about 45 minutes to get there due to traffic and the more remote location. The time didn’t drag on though. They filled it with conversation, and Caleb may or may not have quietly sang along to some of the songs on the radio. If Jester heard him, she didn’t make any indication of it. Eventually the more close-knit buildings of the city spaced out and gave each other breathing room. Those personal bubbles grew and grew, until they were pulling up to the House.

The House of Horrors was fairly big and obviously worn by time. Patches of live grass still persisted in the front lawn, but they were few and far between in the sickly yellow overgrowth. The house itself was surrounded on either side by two wide lots of dirt, making it look like a desolate island surrounded by a sea of empty promises of building projects that never passed. A few cars were parked along the sidewalk already. He could see Nott, the director and his old friend who got him this job, talking to some firbolg gentleman with tied-back pink hair in the driveway.

Jester pulled up to join the line of cars, and the work began. It was relatively minor, especially with the help of Nott, Caduceus, and a woman with mismatched eyes and black hair gradually turning white at the tips who didn’t really speak. He barely had to lift anything and carry it to the prep room. Which is just the nicer way of saying ‘attic.’ There were curtained-off areas for changing and a couple mildly dusty mirrors hanging next to various lamps and makeshift desks. It smelled of mothballs and mildew, but it would do.

Once they got everything up to the attic, Jester started rooting through and collecting various items. It wasn’t hard to recognize the foundation package when she pulled it out of the pile. She didn’t say a word once she’d gotten everything she needed, just looked at him and pointed at a nearby chair in front of a homemade makeup station. He headed over and sat down.

Obviously he’d seen himself in a mirror before. That was a given. But, to be honest, he wasn’t the biggest fan of looking at himself. He couldn’t for the life of him explain why. He’d lay eyes on his reflection for more than a few seconds, then this nitpicky little voice in the back of his head would flit about and critique every aspect of him. _Your eyes are too droopy. Your hair’s a rat’s nest. Your eyebags are too deep, you look like you haven’t slept in years. Your nose is too big, no wonder people either stare at it or don’t want to look at you._ And other such pleasant thoughts that usually involved an excessive use of ‘too’.

Naturally, it started up this time too, staring at himself inbetween the dust and various unknowable residue. _If there was a bit… well, a lot more dirt and dust on this mirror, it’d be a lot more attractive than it is right now._ Jester began her work, the small sponge soft on his skin. _Softer than you deserve._ He knew she was talking, but he couldn’t focus enough to know what she was really saying. _Quite rude, after all she’s done for you today._

The sensation of a hand, gentle but firm, pulling his head to the side snapped him back to the present. He saw Jester looking at him with an… almost empathetic expression on her face. But there couldn’t have been any way someone as lively and beautiful as her should be able to relate to drab and homely him. “Caleb,” she said softly, softer than he’d heard all day. “Do me a favor: close your eyes.”

He didn’t ask why, didn’t argue, didn’t even speak. He complied.

Jester began to work again. After a moment or two, Caleb relaxed. He let go of the iron grip he hadn’t realized he’d had on the chair’s armrests. “I get it, you know,” she told him in that same soft tone. There was a tinge of sadness coloring her words. “Growing up, other kids would make fun of me for the smallest things. Or, if they didn’t care about being creative, they’d just go for my weight. That was a favorite.” The makeup sponge didn’t falter in it’s meticulous pattern as she spoke. “One thing they found hilarious was telling me their friend had a crush on me to embarrass them. Like the punchline was someone would have to be out of their mind to actually like me that way.”

The iron grip was back, but for entirely different reasons.

“It fucked with me for a long time,” she continued. “After a while, they got into my head, made me think ‘if so many people say the same thing, then it’s gotta be true.’ That kind of thought opened the door to a whole bunch of other issues. Some of it I still deal with.” The sponge moved down to his neck. “Now, I’m not gonna ask what or who gave you something along those lines. It’s not fun to talk about.” The sponge moved away. “But if you want my honest opinion?” He felt a hand tentatively land on his and stay. “I think you’re pretty handsome, even as a zombie man.”

Naturally, that didn’t make his insecurities magically go away. He kept his eyes shut as Jester kept working on his face. But he’d be lying if he said it didn’t help, or that he wasn’t honored that she felt comfortable enough with him to talk about something that personal. They moved on to other topics as she continued her work. Most of it involved sticking and blending a prosthetic mild tear in his lip showing ‘teeth’, so he didn’t respond verbally to most of what she was talking about. But he was able to pay attention and respond to some degree, so that was a marked improvement.

“Okay, you’re done!” she said after some minor work on his arms to make them look scarred and bitten. “Go on and put on your outfit, I want you to see the full reveal.”

Fair enough. He could wait a bit longer to see what she’d come up with. The outfit was basic: a worn and weathered coat ripped at the sleeves, a dirty white t-shirt with a large dark red stain on the right side, and dark pants with- get this- a couple more tears along the legs. He also took the liberty of taking out his ponytail and messing up his hair a bit for flavor’s sake. He kept his actual clothes folded neatly in one of the smalls bin in the corner of the changing area and put a lid on it.

When he came out, a couple more people were up in the attic at their own various makeup stations. Jester was among them, her hair now up in a bun. A couple fancy looking (but fake) accessories lay on the desk. When she saw him, she beamed. “Caleeeeb! You ready for your reveal?”

He nodded and headed over, making sure not to pay attention to his reflection in the mirrors he passed. She gestured to the chair, and he obliged. It didn’t take long for him to take care of the very last piece of his ensemble. When he was done, Jester turned the chair around so he’d be facing the mirror, aaand…

Wow. His face was splotchy, some areas slightly more colorful and ‘lively’ than others. His eyebags were exaggeratedly deep, bringing attention to his newly-contacted eyes. The contacts made his irises nearly white enough to blend in with the sclera and his pupils shrunken to just dots, though he sincerely doubted they actually were. The torn lip prosthetic was mild compared to the others they’d considered at the costume shop, but at first glance it looked convincing enough to startle someone. He truly looked like a dead man walking.

“What do you think?” Jester asked, excitement racing through her tone.

He had to answer with the truth. It’s what she deserved. “I love it.”

Time passed quickly. Caleb’s look was approved by Nott, and he moved on to return the favor for Jester. Her makeup didn’t require anything as in-depth as his, so they figured it’d be better to get the more difficult thing out of the way: the dress. It wasn’t the easiest thing to find one that fit both the theme of Jester’s character and Jester herself, but as soon as she saw the one they got, she said she ‘knew it was the one’. He trusted her judgement. It was a nice-looking dress.

“Are you ready for the reveal of Countess Fiona Fantaisie de Pantalons?” Jester asked through the curtain.

“Did you look up how to say ‘Fancy Pants’ in French?”

There was a moment of silence followed by “Mayyybeee…”

He chuckled. “Well, if you drop ‘de Pantalons’,” he heard someone snicker from one of the other makeup stations. “I think that’d be a perfect name, Countess.”

She moved the curtain away to reveal how she looked. “You think so?” The dress was deep purple accented by black and the occasional fake sapphire. Ornate designs weaved themselves around the wide v-neck of the dress, up to the small sliver of fabric on the shoulders. There weren’t exactly sleeves, but there were long strips of black velvet that went down along the shoulders and arms to the rest of the floor-length skirt. She’d already put on the costume rings, plastic painted silver with black designs and a small stone that looked like a ruby, and a gothic-style lace choker necklace. The necklace had a small black stone in the middle, but smaller ones hung onto tassels at the bottom.

Already she looked breathtaking.

“So?” She picked up the skirt and moved it around. It flowed very smoothly. “What do you think, Caleb?”

For a moment, he wasn’t sure how to respond. He couldn’t find the words to properly express what he thought about this ensemble. Thankfully, he didn’t have to. After a moment of speechlessness, Jester’s grin grew as she said, “That good, huh?”

He nodded. “Ja, that good. You look… fantastic.”

She curtsied. “Thank you.” She moved over to the same makeup station they’d been using. “I can handle my own makeup, it’s pretty basic.” She took out the dark red lipstick she’d gotten from the shop. “Can you tie up the back for me, though?” She moved the cape aside. “I can’t really reach it.”

Once again, he nodded. He knew exactly what part she meant and almost automatically he had the two ribbons in his hands. It was in a kind of awkward spot: right between the shoulder blades, where one could perhaps reach but not be coordinated enough to tie the two together. He wasn’t the one wearing it, so it was fairly easy to securely knot.

He looked at her in the mirror. “Do you think that’s good enough?” Lips pursed to apply the lipstick, it took her a second to be able to verbally respond. Instead, she moved and rolled her shoulders experimentally. The knot didn’t falter. So Jester curtly nodded.

“Thank you,” were the first words out of her mouth when she was able to talk. She looked up at his reflection in the mirror. Her expression turned to silent consideration. It… wasn’t really clear why. After a moment or so of wondering what could be bothering her, she spoke up again. “Caleb, I—”

A knock on the attic door caught everyone’s attention. Nott’s voice was a bit muffled, but still perfectly understandable through the barrier. “Everyone who’s ready come on out so we can rehearse! That means you, Molly!”

He saw a purple tiefling with a fake but pretty-looking sword supposedly impaling them roll their eyes and stand up from the desk they were sitting on. They put on a large eye-catching coat carefully, putting the ‘bloody’ end of the blade through a slit in the back. It hid the bands around either side keeping the prop in place. Smart. “It’s like she knows me or something.” They off-handedly told Yasha, who now had more space on her desk.

Caleb joined the small crowd of people reluctantly leaving the attic to actually start doing their job. Jester turned around to finish her work, but he couldn’t help but notice through the mirror’s reflection that she looked almost… disappointed. It sparked his curiosity, but not enough to keep holding up the line to get out of the attic. They’d have time to talk later.

His part was pretty simple. Along one of the hallways, there was a little hidden emptied-out closet. In order to find it, one had to look carefully at the walls adorned in miscellaneous portraits. Two paintings away from one that looked… uncannily like him was the door. There wasn’t a doorknob of any kind, or really any obvious sign of how to open the door from the outside. Thankfully Nott was there to show him how.

The room was cramped and only hastily cleaned out, but there was a chair for him just in case there was too big a lull between groups. He just had to wait and listen carefully for Jester’s cue, then slide the door open quietly to ‘spook’ the Countess and (hopefully) the guests. Jester would quip to ease the tension, he’d groan or snarl in a zombie-like manner, and the group would move on. He’d go back into his hiding spot lying (well… sitting) in wait for the next group to come along and continue the cycle. Simple.

Nott started to walk away, but stopped herself. “Oh, by the way,” she fished through her coat and pulled out a small black cylinder device about the size of his index finger with a red button at one end and a bit of tape that said ‘CALEB’ in thick sharpie. “Just in case things get bad, just press the button.” She handed it over. “I’ll be monitoring the panic button responses, so if you need me for anything—”

“-Press the button.” He put it in his coat pocket and gave her a thumbs up. “Danke, mein kleiner freund. I’ll try not to spam it, but no promises.”

She chuckled. “Bitte. Please don’t if you don’t need to.” With one last smile thrown his way, she continued down the hall. Already a coworker was on her tail with some question or issue for her to deal with. He may be the one waiting in a dusty old closet that smelled faintly of cat pee, but he would not trade places with her for the world.

In the last hour or so before the doors opened, they were encouraged to carefully eat from a dining array set up in the attic. After everyone was done, everyone did a last minute run-through of the house tour just in case. Jester was too busy the entire time for him to feel comfortable with trying to steal a moment of her valuable time.

He’d ask later. It was time.

He obviously couldn’t hear the doors of the House open to the public for the first time, or the sound of the first tour group, but he knew from the ambient music that started to play over the speakers. The House of Horrors was open for business. Waiting in the muted darkness wasn’t his first idea of a fun way to spend his time, but it wasn’t too long before he heard the Countess’ voice in the distance. He guessed she was talking about the portraits.

“Ah, and dear Guinevere. Lovely girl,” Jester’s Countess voice was deeper, more refined, but still held her accent proudly. “Highly flammable.”

That was his cue. As quietly as he could, he slipped out of the room and shut the door. Right on time, the lights around him flickered and go out to hide his sudden appearance. He could see a few people in the group jump at that.

The Countess continued unphased, walking backwards. “Aldric,” she gestured to the portrait that looked weirdly like him. She sighed wistfully. “Oh, what could I even say about him?” She moved back towards him. “He was very close and—Ooh!” She fake-jumped at bumping right into him. The lights flickered on. He could see most of the guests startle at suddenly seeing him. It took a lot for him not to smile when she did. “Closer than I thought, apparently.” She cupped his chin. “Hello, dear. Do you have something to say to our guests?”

He groaned dryly.

She chuckled. “Ah, Aldric. Ever the master of words.” The hand moved away, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss its presence. “Right this way, darlings.” He shuffled to the side to allow her and the rest of the tour group to pass by. The lights around him stayed on until the last person passed him, and then he was allowed to duck back into his hiding spot under the cover of darkness.

That was the basic routine they managed to pull off for three more groups. Some were more startled than others, but that was okay. He let himself get ready to settle into this role for the next couple hours now that he knew it was successful. After all, what could go wrong?

Bad question to ask. Worst question to ask. They hadn’t gotten to a certain person’s group yet.

The first problem arose when the lights went off to allow him to come out. For a split second, he saw her surge forward with her plus one in tow. Then he felt a hand feverishly reach out in the darkness and settle for his, pulling him along. It wasn’t hard for him to see the person she’d meant to reach out for, and he took her hand to keep them together.

In the light, the woman behind him saw what was going on. Her eyes widened in surprise. A smile bloomed on her golden-freckled face, threatening a laugh to tumble through. He let go of her hand to bring up a finger to his lips. He moved it away and leaned forward to his powerwalking guide’s ear and whispered two simple words.

“Hi Beau.”

In hindsight, he really should have seen what happened next. When she figured flight hadn’t worked, Beau subconsciously switched to the other fear response.

In less words, Beau whirled around and decked him in the face.

Pain bloomed in his nose, and he could feel something start to drip from it. The world spun far too fast for him. His knees buckled beneath him. Distantly, he could hear Beau both apologizing and swearing fervently. Then he felt strong arms around him, helping him up and letting him lean against her. With an unoccupied hand, she reached into his pocket and pressed the button.

The world was kind of hazy, but he could recall Jester helping him along to the attic entrance. Actually getting up there was a blur. His head began to clear as soon as he was in a spare chair, facing himself in the mirror and holding a bundle of tissues to his face to hold the blood. As a zombie, he already looked like death. Yet somehow this just heightened it.

The attic door opened. Jester walked over and pressed a small icepack to his nose. “There you go,” she said. “That should help. How are you feeling?” Moonlight passed through the tiny window, draping her in a heavenly shroud. Which reminded him.

“Still reeling,” he said truthfully. “But better. What about you? Who’s leading the group?”

“Caduceus,” she told him. “Told Nott someone should probably stick with you, just in case.” She went silent for a moment in consideration. The same kind he saw earlier. Her eyes met his in the reflection. “Plus, I don’t think I ever properly thanked you.”

“For what?”

“Today. It was… a lot of fun.” She moved closer. “I’m glad I didn’t have to go alone.”

“There’s no need to thank me.” Yet she continued. His chair swiveled around to have them properly face each other. Jester was close. Very close. Yet he… didn’t mind that.

“I think there is,” she told him softly. Her forehead rested against his. “If you’re okay with it.”

Caleb moved his icepack and tissues out of the way. “And if I am?”

Jester smiled like the cat that got the canary. “Is that a yes, Cay-leeeb?”

“Ja, it is.”

That was all it took. Jester’s lips felt as soft as they looked. The kiss wasn’t long, and Jester was obviously cautious of her special effects still on his face and his still-sore nose. But still, he wouldn’t have traded these few moments for anything in the world. He missed them as soon as they passed.

Yet he couldn’t help but let out a startled chuckle as soon as he saw Jester’s face. When she looked confused, he just pointed to a bit of blood that had managed to move from his upper lip to down her chin. She looked in the mirror and saw it.

“Here,” he got his cleanest tissue out. “Let me—"

She stopped his hand. “You don’t need to. It adds to my character anyway.”

He used it instead to wipe the remaining river away. It took a few tries, but eventually it stopped. “Now that that’s done,” he put the tissue in a nearby trash bin. “Want to try that again?”

She smiled, fang tips poking through.

The answer didn’t have to involve words.

**Author's Note:**

> artist's tumblr blogs: spottedspeck (general) and spottedsketch (art)  
my tumblr blog: squishy--squish  
be sure to leave a comment! i love to hear what people think of my work!


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